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Q:I have been married for a little over a year and my husband's son from a previous marriage is getting ready to move in with us from several states away. His son has always been a source of conflict for us, from money to attitude, to schoolwork, etc. It just seems to be a constant battle. Now we will need to find a new place to live, with an extra bedroom, in a good school zone, and for roughly the same money every month. I've been looking and can't seem to find much. Then my husband puts a restriction on me saying he doesn't want to live in a certain area, which happens to be one of the few places that we could possibly afford with a good school zone. I'm at a loss, please help. By JP
Jack's Answer:
This arrangement is becoming more and more common these days. First off, you need to talk to your husband and go over some ground rules so you are both on the same page. Discuss the issues you have, and the best way to solve them. For example, Money: Decide on allowance or have him get a job. Attitude: Decide types of punishment for different infractions. I have learned that taking away things like the car or cell phone work the best. School work: Make him show you his finished work before he can watch t.v. or go out with friends. You need to let your husband know that he needs to support you in any decisions or punishments that you instill on his son. This is important. It is key that he does not undermine your authority in front of him. If he does this, then you will never earn the respect of his son and he will never take you seriously. If your husband does not agree with one of your decisions then you need to go behind closed doors to discuss it. You and your husband are a team and the only way you can resolve this situation is by working together. The three of you need to sit down and go over what you and your husband had agreed upon. Make him aware that you are in control. Don't always be the bad guy either. Make sure your husband gets his hands dirty and delivers some of the punishments too. About the moving situation. Your husband needs to be more understanding. I would gather all the information you can about all locations and educate him on what the more feasible option is. I hope this helpful JP. Let us know how things go
Jill's Answer:
I think if it's your husband's son, and he doesn't seem to be stressing about a good school zone for his son, why should you? Find a place that will make you happy, especially because it seems as if you have a bumpy ride ahead. Devote more time to doing things that you enjoy and make you happy, and worry less about their day to day. You might need to remove yourself emotionally from their issues since it is such a source of conflict in your marriage, and find a focus that fufills you. I do know this is easier said than done, but it seems to me you are carrying more stress than is necessary, and it's most likely because of your feminine side. Most men don't feel the same women do in the same situation, and it's technically not your situation that you are emotionally vested in. Let the boys work it out.
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Ask Jack and Jill.com question on Kids:
Q: My son recently turned two. When will it be a good time to potty train him? Gail
Jack's Answer:
I have a two year old myself. I was told that the best way is to let them decide when. They usually will let you know when they are ready. If you try to force them before they are ready you will just be wasting time watching him sit on a toilet with no luck. They say usually between 2 and 3 years old but all kids are different. It could be earlier or as late as four years of age. Good Luck..
Jill's Answer:
I think the child himself is a good indicator on when to start. Some will show interest in it early, and some have zero interest it seems like ever. Look for early signs, as they will often grab themselves when they have to go, or some will say potty or something similar. It might be helpful to keep a child's potty chair near the toilet so he can start getting used to the idea. There are many recommended methods out there, but I think it will be best when he is showing signs to set aside a few days (yes, a few days) where you plan on being at home, and offer him plenty of fluids and keep the diaper off. Show him where you want him to go, and realize it will most likely be a frustrating process. Don't show your frustration though, it may discourage him. If it isn't working out after a few days, I would wait a few weeks before trying again. It can't just be your desire, he has to want it too. Lots of luck!
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