Jack's Answer:
Ha Ha.Of course you tell him.
Obviously he didn't take you into consideration when he got it so why should you take his feelings into consideration when you tell him you're done. It's only been six months. Plenty of non tattooed faces out there for you
Jill's Answer:
Seems like a big decision he made without consulting you, so to me that is a personality trait that probably won't change down the line. Do you want to be with someone who makes life changing decisions without discussions? Now I know it's only been six months, and no one mentioned being together for life, but I think it's a good time to evaluate if this is the person you want to devote your life to or not. The answer very well may be yes, in which case it will become less of an eyesore to you over time. Love is blind.
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Q: Why do guys cheat? By Anonymous
Jack's Answer:
Why do WOMAN cheat? I think the obvious reason is the fact that the person is missing something in their current relationship. They are not being satisfied one way or the other so they reach out to someone to fulfill that need. In other cases, I believe some people cheat because they don't consider it to be wrong. A lot of kids, especially in the past 30 years, have grown up around dysfunctional families. They see their parents fight, cheat, and all sorts of other things. When you grow up in that environment you consider that to be normal. I think I might be going a little too deep on that one. I’ll stick to the question. A lot of guys disassociate sex and love. We think of sex as exercise that feels good. This does not mean that he doesn’t love you or does not want to be in a relationship with you. He likes the excitement of something new, but also cherishes being with someone that is constant and comfortable. He likes the best of both worlds and once he gets a taste of it he most likely he will do it again. Hence the saying, "once a cheater, always a cheater". So my advice to you is, if you find out your man is cheating, leave him, or you will just get hurt over and over again. Also, a little off topic. If you ladies like to date bad boys expect to get a bad boy. And one last thing. If you’re the girl the man is cheating with and he tells you that he will leave his girlfriend for you, don't be naive and think he will change. 9 times out of 10 he will do the same thing to you. And for you non gamblers, those are not good odds
Jill's Answer:
I have several theories, and sometimes the reasons may coincide. One, they are selfish. They just don't give a sh*t. Two, they don't see the person they are with as long term, so they have no real loyalties. Three, they are opportunistic, which most likely conicides with one and two. And four, it's animalistic, they like to spread their seed. With this being said, guys aren't the only cheaters but I do think women do it for different reasons.
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Q:How can I get my girlfriend to have a threesome? Anonymous
Jack's Answer:
I was wondering how long it would be before this question was asked. Literally a day after we opened the site. Well done. This is easy. If you follow my steps you will have a threesome tonight. Find out which one of your buddies your girlfriend finds attractive and invite him over for drinks. Now, if you want to have a threesome with your girlfriend and another woman, well, that’s a little bit trickier. From my experience, unfortunately, most woman or not down with it. If by some miracle you are dating one of the lucky few, then they usually want someone that they know but don't see that often. If she is going to share her man then she doesn’t want some random off the streets. They generally don't want to see this person everyday either. You should find someone that she is an acquaintance with. Try not to use a friend because that could turn ugly. The less you see this person the better. I’m getting ahead of myself here. Your best bet is to ask her if she would be interested. If she is, find out what would be the most comfortable way for her to go about it. If she is interested then I'm sure she has put a little thought about how she would go about it. Maybe she has done it before and she could teach you a thing or two. Better yet, maybe she is already hooking up with a girl and hopefully she will let you join. OK, I'm dreaming here. You won’t know unless you ask. Just make sure she is on the same page before you ask. I don't know your girlfriend, but you should have some sort of idea where her morals lye. If she goes to church and volunteers her time to local charities then I would go ahead and tell you not to pursue this opportunity. The best time to ask is after a couple glasses of wine in a romantic atmosphere or nonchalantly after a movie that involved a threesome. A little side note, if you do end up having a threesome, your relationship will most likely not last. A lot of couples can't handle involving a third party due to jealousy. If you love your girlfriend and want to stay with her I would advise you to find alternate ways to satisfy your sex life. Good Luck, JACK
Jill's Answer:
I don't think there's a how to on that. Some girls are open to it, some aren't. I think if you try joking around about it and see her reaction it will let you know if she's into it or not. Most girls are jealous and don't like to share. And some would be offended if you seriously asked her because she would think she's not enough for you. It definitely needs to be approached delicately. See if you can get her to attend a fetish party with you to ease her into the idea slowly
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Q:My boyfriend loves me more than I love him. He's so romantic and very thoughtful, he always, ALWAYS says the right thing at the right time. He's the perfect man! It makes me feel kind of bad because I rarely have the right thing to say or one romantic bone in my body! He doesn't seem to mind but it makes me feel so bad... Should I just leave the romance and such up to him or is this something I need to work on? Steph
Jill's Answer:
Looks like you guys balance each other out. You can't have two sappy romantics, that would make people sick! If he doesn't complain or ask more of you, I would count my blessings. It probably just makes him happy to make you happy. If it truly bothers you, try simple small gestures. Send him a text that you're thinking about him, or miss him. Or tell him you think he's the 'perfect man'. That should make him feel great.
Jack's Answer:
Steph, why do you say he loves you more than you love him? Because he does more romantic things? Relationships should not be a competition of who can show more love. He loves you because of who you are, not because of what you do for him, or lack thereof. Maybe he likes the fact that you don't do things for him. I personally am not a big fan of being romanticized, but I do enjoy being romantic. It gives me more enjoyment and it probably does the same for him. So if being romantic is not your thing it is ok. I'm sure there are plenty of things you do that he love
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Q:What should I do for my man's birthday? Ashley
Jill's Answer:
Difficult to say without knowing your man and your budget. You can plan a day for just the two of you hanging at the beach or similar locale, take him to dinner and then meet up with all his friends after for drinks. It could be a suprise or arranged, whatever you think he'll like better. Or you can book a hotel room, get massages and relax by the pool. If he's hinted at anything or seems to really enjoy certain activities, I would try to incorporate that into his day.
Jack's Answer:
Sex, dinner, Sex, desert, Sex, in that order
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Q:I have to go to a dinner party with my boyfriend's family. His x wife will be there- in tight with his fam.... she and I do not have a good history and believe me I have tried... she is jealous. Should "we" give her a birthday card? Cory
Jill's Answer:
Is the dinner party specifically for her birthday? If so then I would get her a funny one, like an over the hill one, and make sure you sign it for both of you. Like you said, you've tried, so now it's time to have fun with it. If the dinner party is not for her birthday, her birthday just happens to fall on it, then no. It's not necessary. But might be fun to still get her an over the hill one
Jack's Answer:
I say yes. Kill her with kindness. Don't give her the satisfaction of showing her that she gets to you. Take the high road and no matter what she says or does you be nice. Compliment her on her outfits and her looks. Make sure you do it in front of the family so they can see how nice you are. Say it like you mean it otherwise it defeats the purpose. After a while, who knows, maybe you and the ex will become friends. If not, watch your back
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QWhat's the deal with girls? One minute they are super nice and sweet and will do anything for you. Then when you are nice and do everything for them they instantly lose respect for you. I wish there was a manual for how to deal with them. Any suggestions?
Jill's Answer:
You haven't listed an age range here but this is a maturity thing. I don't think girls mean to play games but it ends up that way. When they are super nice and sweet and doing whatever it is to make you happy, they are trying to earn your devotion. Then when it feels like they have it completely, challenge over. I think it is a subconscious thing. They don't intend for it to happen or even know it's going to happen but the tides just turn. My advice to you is maintain the nice and respectful thing, but leave a mystery about you. Show that you have other things going on that don't revolve around her. Don't lay all your cards on the table, even after it seems that she has. Miss a couple phone calls and texts here and there. Say you were busy but don't offer insight as to what. She'll work that much harder to gain your attention. This isn't going to be true for every situation. Lots of times people are done with games and want a straight shooter. That's when the maturity thing kicks in. That's why I'm not recommending you to be a jerk to her. You'll know pretty quickly on if they are serious or not. But maintaining the mystery is not a bad thing. P.S there's another part to this. Girls are super hormonal and cannot be completely figured out because their mood changes are irrational. This is not advice just a fact you have to deal with. It's a demon they wrestle with and unfortunately gets superimposed on guys. Sorry.
Jack's Answer:
This is so true my friend. The woman you first meet is not the same person you love to hate in the end. Women are like peacocks in this case. They have the facade of being the perfect woman for you. Then when they tuck their beautiful feathers all that is left is one ugly bird. This is not true for all women. I'd say 75% of them. They know this and play you like a fiddle in the beginning. They woo you into their grips and when you finally succumb to them, they will suck the life out of you Once they are done with the last drop of manhood you got left, they will be bored and move on to the next victim. I find it easier to explain women in terms of animals. Women are like cats.Cats like to chase mice and the ones that are harder to get are tastier in the end.When a cat comes across a mouse that can't run away or doesn't challenge them, they are disinterested. They will play and swat at it for a while but ultimately won't eat it because a pathetic mouse does not appeal to them. Women always say they hate to play games but that's all they do. Half the time they don't even know it. So my advice to you is stay single. If you need a relationship then you better learn how to play their game. It would take me forever to tell you the rules and secrets of the game. The number one thing that I notice that works is never make her number one. It's crazy to think about, and it's tough to do, but it works. Good Luck.
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Ask Jack and Jill.com Current question on Relationships:
Q: There is this guy, Adam. I really like him alot, he sits next to me voluntarily every day in both of the 2 classes that we have together. He talks to me and actually listens, he laughs, and he flirts with me all the time. Does he like me? And if he does, i dont think that he has the confidence to ask me out. And i dont have the confidence to make the first move either. What should I do? I really want to be his girlfriend, because i really like him alot. Thanks in advance
Jack's Answer:
I know it is tough to approach someone to let them know how you feel about them. I used to be that guy who never approached a girl because I was afraid of rejection. This ultimately made me miss out on being with some great woman. I later found out they had the same feelings but neither of us did anything. Don't let this happen to you. The one thing that I have learned over the years is life is short. He obviously likes you so don't waste time and let him know that you are interested. Ask him to meet you for some coffee or a drink after class. Then tell him the truth. Maybe not everything. Just tell him how you really like him and that you would love to go on a date sometime. I know this is easier said than done but trust me it will work. Once you get it out in the open you will feel so relieved and he will be too. Then sit back and enjoy the best part of any relationship, the beginning.
Jill's Answer:
It sounds like he likes you, but I know it can be difficult to make the next move because you risk losing the friendship if you are reading the situation wrong. A less riskier option might be asking his best friend to find out if he is interested in you in that way. Maybe he is just shy. Another option might be inviting him on a group outing, or get together, where it's not so much pressure one on one. If he is into sports, ask him if he can teach you or help you with something similar. Once again, it takes the pressure off both of you, but you get to hang out and hopefully develop a relationship. If you really do like him though, it's probably a good idea to make a move. It would be terrible if a less shy girl asked him out and you missed your opportunity.
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Q: My boyfriend of 6 months just showed up at my house with a hideous tattoo that starts on his chest and goes up to partially cover his face. I didn't want to react since it is permanent, but I am disgusted and think it looks terrible. Do I tell him? I don't know if I can stay with him looking like that....
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Q: On a first date with a guy you just met, should he pick you up or should you meet him somewhere?
Jack's Answer:
I think it depends on how you met this guy. If you met him on line or it's a blind date then I would meet him at the destination. If you have known this person for a little while and feel comfortable with him then I would have him pick you up. Trust me you don't want to be stuck out with someone if you end up not getting along
Jill's Answer:
I would probably say meet him there. In this day and age, you can't be too careful. Also make sure a close friend knows all the info you do about him, phone number, etc just in case something happens. After you are comfortable with him, make sure he picks you up.
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Q: What does it mean when a woman plays with her hair and tilts her head? Alex
Jack's Answer:
You are going to get laid. Mmmm the more I think about that, the more I think, no. This could be good or bad. People usually fidgit it when they are nervous or in deep thought. I would approach with caution. Usually they don't like to be disturbed when they are in this state so wait till she is done before laying on a bad pick up line.
Jill's Answer:
She's flirting. Go in for the kill,
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Q: Was trying to build a relationship with my sister but she doesn't seem interested. Her mood changes often and I never quite know how to take her. I love her but I feel our relationship is tarnished and because of our lack of trust, it makes it hard for us to move forward. What should I do? Kristin
Jack's Answer:
I am curious what tarnished your relationship so you don't trust each other? Hopefully it's not what I think it is. You should know this? All woman have mood changes, so either you learn to adapt, or move on. Trust is a tough thing to rebuild. It will take a long time for you two to gain each others' trust again. So the best advice I can give you is to tell her how much she means to you. Tell her that you will do whatever it takes to rebuild your relationship. Once she knows how you feel it will be up to her to decide whether she is ready. It may not happen right away, but at least she knows you're willing to make whatever happened right again.
Jill's Answer:
It's tough when you see other siblings getting along great and seemingly effortlessly, while you have to struggle to maintain the slightest bit of a healthy relationship with your sister. I know you said you've been trying and she doesn't seem interested. Maybe she has some things going on with her that you aren't privy to. Regardless of her issues, you have made an effort and sometimes time mends relationships better then you can actively do on your own. I would recommend stepping down the effort and stop trying so hard. Give her some time to work through her issues and then in a few weeks or so invite her to a movie with you or the mall. If nothing has changed and it's still a struggle, give her more time. The relationship has to be something you both want to work at, not just one person. Don't beat yourself up over it. You don't get to pick your family but they are your family for life. Focus on building relationships with people that are equally interested. You can still show support for your sister from afar. And when she's ready the door will be open.
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Q:Will Audrey go out with me?
Jack's Answer:
Of course not. You are too shy. If this is not the Audrey I am thinking of then maybe. You won't know unless you ask. So instead of asking us, why don't you ask her.
Jill's Answer:
This is what I would call the magic 8 ball question. Signs look good!
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Q:How can I ask my lover to shower because of smelling smoky before coming to bed? Male I am female. Linda
Jack's Answer:
Wow. This has got to be one of the tougher questions I've had. I have put some thought into this for about 5 seconds now. Try this. Sweetie, could you take a shower before coming to bed? I don't like the smell of smoke. I know. You are thinking it can't be that simple, but it is.
Jill's Answer:
I would just tell him it bothers your sinuses and you aren't getting restful sleep. Or drag him in there nightly with you.
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Q Iam M.Reddy and iam seriously <adjective>. That adjective is something iam not knowing. Infact i dont know my state of life. Iam married , good looking wife and a brilliant and cute son. The problem i have is after marriage , due many mistakes from my side and also her side two families have drifted away. As i was only earning and my family was dependent on me and consumed most of my salary. I dont know if that triggered my wife's hatred for them. As they dont even give any consideration , and also sometimes they talk that i have done nothing for them. Now as iam continiously with my in laws at their house , i feel not good at all. My wife also does not support me going to meet my parents occassionally also. She says she will come and come back by evening or day after. Thats more triggering. Iam crushed between two families. More over now a days as iam at in laws place, i feel that iam loosing my value. Food at home is another issue as iam a little overweight. There is no motivation for me as i feel these are leaving me completely occupied. My bedroom things are also not in place as i dont feel doing so, until i feel my wife is considerate, responsible, hardworking and intelligent in her talk and work. if i try telling her anything, she comes back to hit at my overweight thing. I dont know how to handle this. These days i dont even have anything to talk her , as i dont see any answers from her nor any meaningful changes in her on some of the things i SMS or tell her softly in phone. Am i being treated as ignorant or idiot. Am i not of any use for the family iam living with? My wife considers anybodys words or ideas worth than mine. Iam by profession a Project Manager and Technical lead in World Famous OEM. How can i correct the things and make my wife more interested towards being a good mother and supporting wife? M Reddy
Jack's Answer:
I know how you feel. Sometimes in life it seems that one thing can go wrong, then another, until pretty soon everything seems to be spiraling out of control. You say that you have no motivation. Umm I think saving your family is motivation enough. You are depressed and feeling sorry for yourself. Wake up. Take charge of your situation. This is not going to fix itself. Your weight has a direct influence on how you act. You are being lazy and need to change you habits. This shows that you have given up on your situation and if you don't fix it you will lose your family. So with that said, you need to fix yourself before you can worry about fixing your family. Start working out and eating better. Trust me, when you start doing this you will notice you will have more energy and a better outlook on life. After a while of doing this you will have the energy and the clear thoughts to tackle your situation. I'm not going to say it is going to be easy but whatever you do you cannot lose focus and go back to your old ways. If you do this you will lose your family. Maybe for motivation you can put a picture of when your family was happiest somewhere where you will see it every day. OK. Now with the family. No matter what, your wife and child are the most important factors here. If both you and your wive's families are putting a strain on your relationship then you need to take some time away from both families. This will give you time to work on fixing things with your wife and child without them getting in the way. Hopefully by this time your wife has seen that you are taking initiative to fix things. Sit down and talk to her. Let her know how much she means to you. Let her know that you will do whatever it takes to make things right. You are going to need her help so let her understand that you guys are a team and you need to work together like a team. Discuss how the two of you and your son are the more important than anything else. Even more important than both of your families. Once you and your wife are on the same page you can start fixing your relationship with her. Take her out for romantic dinners. Treat her like you just met her for the first time. I would also recommend taking your wife and son on a vacation away from the two families. Use this time to strengthen the bond between you and your family. Once you have fixed the bond with your wife and child you will be ready to take on the families. You first should discuss this with your wife, but I'll give you some ideas that should help with the strain. First of all, no more money should be given to either family. Money is always a big problem and can tear apart the strongest of family bonds. This may seem cruel but it's not worth losing your wife and kid over. You tell them that when they ask too. Just be honest. I also think it is in your best interest not to see either family as much as you do. I would try to keep it where you see either family every other holiday or something along those lines. This is all stuff you need to communicate rationally with your wife first. You both will need to compromise. If you see your wife and yourself struggling to see eye to eye just ask yourselves is it worth losing your family over. I hope some of this will help but remember none of this will work unless you take the initiative to fix yourself first.
Jill's Answer:
Wow, you have several serious issues that need addressing to get you back to where you want to be. I would start by writing down your goals and what you perceive will make you happy in life, and start taking baby steps to acheive this. I would highly recommend both marriage counseling and seeing a counselor on your own, start by looking into non-profit organizations or churches to cut the cost down, as money is also an issue for you. It seems that your wife may be upset because her and your son should have come first before your family, and it probably didn't appear to her this was the case. I understand how you may have felt and feel that you have the weight of the world on your shoulders, but you have to step back and look at the situation objectively. You are one person and are doing the best you can in a tough economy. You shouldn't feel guilty for not being able to please everyone. It isn't possible and you sacrificed your happiness along the way. I think counseling would help you understand her needs better and vice versa. You owe it to yourself and your son to take steps toward getting healthy: mind, body and soul. Start a walking regimen and add a minute every day. Make realistic goals and they will be easy to stick to and become life changes. And you can't make your family and your wife get along, it's probably not even worth the effort. Just let it go. See them on your own time, or just with your son. You have a lot of negativity surrounding you that you need to release. Best of luck to you both.
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Ask Jack and Jill.com Current question on Relationships:
Q:Been living with this man 11 years and he says if I was going to cheat your only competition whould be Suzy. I wanted to know is this proper for a man to have a spare tire ready and picked out already?It hurt my feelings and he thinks I'm too sensitive! Zoe
Jack's Answer:
Was he drunk when he said this? Well it sounds to me like Suzy is one lucky "spare tire". I wouldn't get too worked up over this. After 11 years you should be used to your man saying stupid things. Who knows what he was trying to accomplish by telling you this. Just chalk this one up to stupidity. And yes, some guys have a plan B, but none of them tell their significant other. Don't worry. Most plan B's never work because the feeling is not mutual. So tell him to think before he speaks next time.
Jill's Answer:
I don't think you are too sensitive, I think he is insensitive. My dad did that to my mom at one of his work functions once. He introduced her to a lady and after she walked away, he told her that would be her replacement if something happened to her. Sickening, right? Well I was curious as to what she looked like, and my mom said nothing special, overweight, older, and I said well why would that be your replacement? She said to finish raising the kids. Basically it wasn't a sexual thing, but still in bad taste. So I think guys just think in black and white and not emotionally. I don't think it's proper for him to have a spare picked out, and I think it's in bad taste that he told you.
Jack's Answer:
Two words, Medical Marijuana. You said, other than that he is perfect? Really? This is a serious issue that will not get better unless something is done about it. Obviously he has some anger management issues. It will take some work to help solve his rage issues. Correcting this will only work if he admits that he has a problem and wants to fix it. He definitely will need to seek some counseling. I would express your concerns with him and let him know (when he is calm) that he scares you when he acts this way. Be supportive and ask him to seek counseling and that you will do whatever it takes to help him. If he loves you, like you say he does, he will do whatever it takes to correct this serious problem. If he is not receptive to the idea of counseling then, honestly, I would find someone else. I believe that this kind of behavior is a deal breaker in any relationship. You can't live your life not knowing when he will lose it and do some real damage. He is 38 years past his terrible two's. That is really the only age that this kind of behavior should be accepted. Sooner or later his act of rage will seriously hurt someone. Don't let that someone be you.
Jill's Answer:
Well, I would explain to him that you have zero tolerance for his temper tantrums and you are too old to be dating a giant baby. He needs a healthy way to express is anger, so anger management or therapy would be helpful but it's doubtful he will go. It's also doubtful he will change without it. You have to set ultimatums and follow through with the ultimatums, just as you would with a two year old. How would he feel if the tables were turned in front of your friends and family. I'll tell you, it would get old really quick. He needs to quit being self-centered and realized the world doesn't revolve around him and if he chooses to act like it does he can do it alone.
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Q:My boyfriend is 40 and he is embarrassing. Whenever he gets upset, no matter where we are or who we are with he yells, screams, hits things, bangs his head. it doesn't happen often but my family and friends have witnessed it (in separate occasions) and he's done this out in public. It freaks me out! But other then that, he's pretty much perfect and romantic, he loves me and I love him... How do I stop him from freaking out like he does? Shelley, 35
Jack's Answer:
No, he has moved on with his life and you haven't. Like most people he posts pics of what's going on in his life. If you can't handle seeing what he is doing, I recommend taking him off your friend's list so you can move on to the next chapter of your life.
Jill's Answer:
Maybe, but he's probably just involved in his own life and doing whatever he wants. It's his site to do with as he pleases. Quit looking if it hurts.
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Q:Is my ex trying to hurt me by showing his new girlfriend on facebook?
Jack's Answer:
This sounds like something you need to just walk away from. Let them know
you appreciate them checking in but you need your space.
Jill's Answer:
Forget about him. If he hides something as big as a pregnancy, he's probably lying about a lot more.
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Q:My boyfriend impregnated another girl before I dated him buthe kept it from me. His family is busy calling me just to check on me and he is just being worse of a jerk by showing off his new girlfriend to me
