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Q: I'm with my boyfriend for 3 months and he won't tell anyone we're going out and he only holds my hand when the 2 of us are alone. His best friends know and all my friends know but he doesn't know that they know. He gets thick when someone says to me why do you like a queer and when someone asks him are you going out with Marie he says no. I'm his first girlfriend and I'm the only girl that he met and I went out with loads of people. How do I get him to calm down and if someone asks are we going out say yes?
Marie aged 14
Jack's Answer:
Marie you have to realize that you are dealing with immature boys at this age. There could be several reasons that he is acting this way. I will try to tell you most of them and you can decide which one best suits your situation. I'm assuming that he is the same age as you. First of all, if you are his first girlfriend at the age of 14, then he is a late bloomer. This means he is shy and he can't tell or show you his true emotions. He could not want his friends to know because at that age your friends will pressure and tease you about everything. He might not want people to know because you might embarrass him in certain ways. This usually includes looks, attitude, behavior, your past etc. Maybe he is afraid to tell people you guys are going out and then your relationship ends. Maybe he wants to take it slow with you because he knows you have dated "loads" of people in the past and he doesn't want to be just another boy on your list. It could be any of these reasons so your best bet is to communicate with him and let him know your intentions. Tell him that it hurts you that he doesn't want people to know about your relationship. See how he responds and act accordingly. I would also let him know that there is no reason to hide your relationship because everyone knows already and it makes him look bad. Last thing. Your fourteen. Most relationships at that age only last a couple months so I wouldn't worry if this one doesn't work out. Have fun and remember use protection.
Jill's Answer:
It seems he's just very immature and still uncomfortable in his skin. Girls mature a lot faster than boys, and it's unfortunate for him because he's not going to realize what he has until it's gone. Many people are uncomfortable with public displays of affection, which is fine, but he is denying that you are his girlfriend, which is not ok. He must've asked you privately at some time, since you are boyfriend/girlfriend, so he's not being honest. Tell him it's ok to show affection privately only, but not ok to continue hiding your relationship. If he can't comply, tell him you can't continue to be with someone who seems to be embarrassed to be with you.
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Ask Jack and Jill.com question on Teenagers:
Q:How do you stay in shape while trying to achieve good grades and a good attendance in school? By Tim
Jack's Answer:
For starters, I just want to say it's not easy being a teenager and dealing with all that life throws at you, including school. That being said, as a teen you start to learn how to manage your time more wisely. I would start by keeping a handwritten schedule with you and schedule time to either ride your bike, treadmill, gym, walk the beach, any sort of cardio exercise that you can, and schedule that for a minimum of 3 days a week, even if you have to schedule it in the evenings as "study time". Once you schedule it in on paper, it makes it a real possibility to stick to your schedule just as if you were going to schedule a dentist appointment. Exercise is extremely important especially as a teen not only to help you stay healthy, keep you focused, and it's a great stress reliever. I hope this helped
Jill's Answer:
I think it's important to watch what you eat and make sure it's healthy and wholesome to give you the energy you need to make it through a day of classes. Always balanced with whole grains, protein and fruit and snack often on fruit and vegetables. If you live in a nice climate, walking to or from school can be a good option, also grab some friends to play tennis or basketball. It's important to keep a good balance in your life, so make time to exercise. Even 10 minute walks a few times a day will help. And what teenager doesn't love mall walking?
Ask Jack and Jill.com question on Teenagers:
Q. My 15 year old soon to be nephew got caught by his mom with a blunt of marijuana, what should she do? What would you do if that were your son? By Bubba
Jack's Answer:
Give him a chance to be responsible. He is close to being an adult. In three years you won't be around to do anything, so take this opportunity to educate him. Let him know you are O.K. with it as long as he is responsible and will follow some ground rules. Tell him there is absolutely no driving while high, or with anyone who is high. If he is caught he will go to jail and lose his license and vehicle. There is no bringing or smoking it in or around school. If he is caught at school with it he will be kicked out and arrested. Make him aware that his grades cannot drop. If he breaks any of those rules then he will lose any and all privileges he was given by you. As long as he is responsible about it, I wouldn't have a problem with it
Jill's Answer:
I imagine this is very common. She should sit down with him and explain what he's doing is wrong, the reasons why, and the consequences for his actions, whatever she decides to impose as a punishment/consequence. If this were my son, I would make a huge production about the fact that a person's brain is not fully developed until they are 25 years of age, and further impairment by the substance to an under developed brain could be detrimental to his future. That and the fact it is illegal in a federal court of law, and most likely state, so I would discuss his consequences if he were to be caught by someone other than myself. I would invoke a punishment that would make him think twice before doing it again. I definitely am basing this on his development and his safety and others. This age group is approaching driving age and I definitely wouldn't want a young driver impaired at the wheel. Now when he's an adult and he so decides to partake when he's not driving around, I don't necessarily have a problem with that, I think there are worse things to be concerned with. I wouldn't want to see it become a routine or habit, but the occasional indulgement wouldn't bother me.
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Ask Jack and Jill.com question on Teenagers:
Q: My mom is insisting I go to college, but I am burned out of school and think it will be counterproductive. What are my options as she is not letting up on me! I need her off my back! By Katie, age 18
Jack's Answer:
Why don't you talk to your mom about taking smaller steps to get to college, meaning either a junior college, which wouldn't be so intense for you or some sort of tech school where you can still have a life and be enrolled in continued education. That way you'll still have some sanity while also bettering your life. Hopefully your mom would find that acceptable and then in twelve months or so if you're ready at that point you can move to a college environment
Jill's Answer:
How about a compromise with your mom where you take a limited number of classes, part time, and use the rest of your time to pursue your interests toward your future, whether it be working in a desired field or learning a skill. It's important to realize your burned out so that you can devote the proper energy to your undertakings, and not waste money and several years of barely passing or not passing and still feeling discouraged. I find that if you take time to really find what your passionate about, what excites you, that you won't feel the burnout, even if you are burning the candle at both ends.
Ask Jack and Jill.com question on Teenagers:
Q: How do i tell my mom I dont want to go to college when she's the one pushing so much ?
Jack's Answer:
I would ease her into it. I wouldn't tell her flat out that you are not going to college. I would tell her that you're going to peruse some other options first. You need to find out what you want to do in life and see what is required to do that. College might be an option down the road if you find something you're interested in. Let her understand that you won't be dedicated to college right now. It would be foolish for her to waste her hard earned money if you're not going to be 100% dedicated to school. Trust me on that one.
Jill's Answer:
Well, you can tell her it will be a waste of money since if your not into it, you probably won't perform well. But before doing that, be prepared with a plan of what you do want to do, have it be well thought out and mature. Not taking a year off to tan and watch t.v., but something that propels you forward in life, something you are interested in. I don't think college is for everyone, but I do understand why your mom wants you to go. I will tell you this, if she is making you choose a college, end of discussion, pick one somewhere you will enjoy yourself. California, Florida, wherever there is opportunity for you to do the things you most enjoy. College is more than just studying. You'll meet friends you will keep for life, and have a new freedom you've never had. Try starting out with some easy classes to ease yourself into it. At least if you try it for a year, you can show your mom you made the effort and it's just not for you.
Ask Jack and Jill.com question on Teenagers:
Q: My friend's teenage daughter is a complete demon child. She is 16 years old and she disrespects her parents, lies to her grandparents, and hooks up with older boys... It's definitely a "Jerry Springer" situation. Anyways, it hurts me to watch this and hear about it, I believe my advice to my friend is good but for some reason she is not taking it. She belongs in bootcamp! please help.
Jack's Answer:
This is why every father is scared to have a daughter. It sounds like every teenage girl that I've ever met. The more you try to fight them the more they will fight back. You can't rationalize with them because they think they know everything. Was boot camp your idea? That is a great idea if you never want to talk to her again. I believe that it is her parents fault for letting her disrespect them in the first place. I know I would not tolerate it. The ground work has been laid here where she gets away with acting like this. The parents need to change before she will. It is going to be tough. Sort of like breaking a wild horse. You need to grab the reins and show her who's boss. If she keeps up this behavior you take away things she has grown accustom to. Start with the computer, cell phone, car. Don't give her any money. This could lead to her realizing how much she depends on you, or it could lead to her running away. Either way you are a winner
Jill's Answer:
Just because she doesn't take your advice doesn't mean it falls on deaf ears. There's generally more to a situation then what is being revealed, and your friend probably appreciates the ability to vent her frustrations to you more than anything. Most parents try several different things to keep their child in check, and it's trial and error. Sometimes there are several failure attempts before figuring out what works for that particular family. The teenage years for this family may be survival mode until she's out on her own at which point they hope they did their best to put her out into the world alone.
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